


New Memories

by thewanderingwriter



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Cameos by Lenalee and Jerry!, Feels, Fluffiness, Kanda has a heart?, M/M, Why yes. He does have a heart, lots o' feels, out of season but who cares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 13:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/761590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewanderingwriter/pseuds/thewanderingwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Allen Walker, Christmas memories have always been of heartache and death. Can one morning with a certain raven-haired samurai change that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Memories

**Author's Note:**

> So I posted this on FF.net last year around this time, and it is very dear to my heart since it was the first finished writing and the first work I ever posted. Heck, it's probably the best work I've made so far. And I know it's totally not Christmas time, but who cares? It's fluff! So enjoy!
> 
> Warning: The f-bomb is dropped. But hey, it's Kanda. He has such a potty mouth. Tsk tsk.

             _Allen was sitting on the cold, snowy ground beaten and bruised when Mana found him on that fateful Christmas day. The little 8 year old boy heard footsteps in front of him and looked up too see what he considered to be an angel from heaven. The man looked down at Allen with caring eyes, and asked a question that made Allen’s heart lift. “Would you like a home?” **Yes!** Allen’s thoughts screamed at him, but his voice wouldn’t work so he nodded weakly. Mana picked him up and carried him to the inn room that he was staying at for the time being. Allen knew this was going to be a good change in his life. _

_Then another night, just as cold and snowy as the first replaces Allen’s vision. Mana is lying there, not moving. A carriage is overturned, wheels spinning in the air. “MANA! Don’t leave me! Wake up Mana! WAKE UP!” a desperately crying Allen called. **Mana was the only one who cared about me, and now he is gone! What am I going to do?!**_

* * *

 

            Allen Walker woke from his bed with a start. Sweat rolled down his face. His body was shaking and he had the biggest urge to cry, but he had decided earlier that he was not going to let this day get to him. So that meant no crying. Christmas day was especially hard for dear 16-year-old Allen. It was the day Mana had found him, and around the same time of year Mana had left this world. So even though it was Allen’s birthday and Christmas, he could never find it in him to fully enjoy the holiday. But he had decided this year was going to be different. He had a family here to spend the holidays with for the first time in a long time, and he was going to enjoy it as much as he possibly could; and that included making sure everyone else enjoyed themselves, even if that meant holding in tears and faking smiles. He missed Mana, he really did, but it was about time he tried to remember the good memories, the wonderful things that came from meeting Mana. Not just the fact that he lost the only person who had cared for him. _There I go again, thinking of the bad memories. Maybe breakfast will make me feel better._

            As Allen made his way to the dining hall, he noticed that it was surprisingly empty. He checked a nearby clock that was on the wall, and saw he had woken up earlier than most of the Order. Good. Maybe he could forgo the façade of happiness for just a bit longer. The tiny bit of good feeling was instantly gone when he walked into the dining hall to find that he was not alone as anticipated. Just one other person occupied the room. And that one person had to be Kanda Yu. The bastard that constantly insulted his height, his fighting style, hell! He insulted everything about him! Allen decided to just ignore the BaKanda and not let him bother him while he ate. Giving Jerry a smile as he handed him his food,  
Allen wished him a Merry Christmas before walking towards his table with a heaping plate.  As he was walking to his table, he noticed Kanda staring at him. Well more like glaring at, but it was different than usual. It was more like he was trying to figure out something. Allen just ignored him like he said he would and ate peacefully. Finally he got fed up with the staring, and stood to confront Kanda about it. He just wanted to be left alone for goodness sakes!!

            “Why are you staring at me BaKanda!?”

            “Che, because baka Moyashi. Nobody is gonna believe the fake act you’re putting on.”

            “What fake act?” Allen asked, acting innocent, like he didn’t know what Kanda was talking about.

            “Cut the bull shit Moyashi. You aren’t fooling anyone. At least not me anyways. You look fuckin’ miserable.” Allen was shocked, that was about the most words Kanda had ever said to him. Well, while having a somewhat decent conversation anyways.

            “Why do you care anyways BaKanda?” Kanda’s eyes widened when Allen said that. Why did he care about the Moyashi anyways? He didn’t know why he cared that pretty much everyone Allen would talk to today would believe he was actually okay and not dying inside. And he also didn’t know why he was pissed off at that fact. Since when had he cared about how Allen felt?

            “Che. Because your smile is so damn fake that I want to slap it off your face.” _That sounded harsh_ , Kanda thought. _Maybe I should take be nicer to the kid. He seems pretty upset already._ What the fuck? Since when did he ever care if he was being harsh to anyone, especially the Moyashi! He was not a nice person in general, so for him to be nice, Hell would have to freeze over. Apparently, Hell decided to do just that, since Kanda looked up to see the Moyashi almost in tears and he felt guilty for making such a look come to that angelic face. _What the fuck? Angelic? I did NOT just refer to the Moyashi as angelic!_ But alas, he did and for some odd reason the question, “Why do you fake your smiles all the fucking time?” came out of his mouth, far more gentle and compassionate than he meant it to be.

            This shocked Allen. Kanda Yu, the ice prince, being somewhat nice? “Again, why do you care BaKanda?” he asked. Kanda was silent for a moment, seemingly devoid of emotion, simply stare/glaring at Allen. What was with him? He never showed this much caring, at least not in a positive way, toward Allen before. But could he even call it caring? Honestly, it was a bit more like curiosity. But looking closer at Kanda, past the calloused, Akuma-killing hands and the war-torn expression, the tiniest flicker of compassion was present in his eyes. Allen wanted to know: why did Kanda even care?

            “It doesn’t matter Moyashi, just answer the fucking question.” Kanda growled. Allen decided he was not going to get a clear cut answer and that he might as well tell Kanda. It might help him fell better to tell someone.

            “Well I fake the smiles because I don’t want to make people worry about me. And I especially don’t want them to worry around the holidays. And I don’t want people to ask what’s wrong. It’s a lot to explain, and you know how people are around here. They care for each other, so if someone has a problem, they want to know so they can fix it. And I like that; I just don’t want to explain things to people and push my problems onto them.”

            “Why not just tell them you don’t want to talk about it, that way you don’t have to fake all the time?” Kanda was being rather polite to Allen, and it kind of freaked him out, but it also made him enjoy the moment. Kanda wasn’t insulting him constantly, and it was nice.

            “Well they would still worry, and I don’t want that.”

            “Che. Dumbass. People are going to worry about you know matter what. You’re in a fuckin’ war. All your friends are going to worry about whether you’re going to be alive or not next time they see you. So get over it and stop fucking faking all the time. And stop trying to please people, because you never will.”

            “ I’ll do whatever I want. And if that involves trying to please other people, I’ll do it.” Allen retorted in a you’re-not-going-to-change-my-mind sort of way. Great. Just when he was finally making some progress with Kanda, he decides to go all asshole-mode again. It was pleasant to see Kanda’s nice side while it lasted.

            “Whatever.” The two sat there in awkward silence for a while, until Kanda’s uncharacteristic curiosity got the better of him. “What is wrong with you today anyways? Shouldn’t you be fucking happy that it’s Christmas time and your birthday?” Wait, Kanda knew it was his birthday? Why would Kanda know that? Why would he even bother remembering such a trivial thing like his birthday? He decided to save those thoughts for later as Kanda gave him a “well-go-on”  look.

            “Well, today was the day that Mana found me. He was the only person that cared for me. My parents hated me and abused me, calling me the devil because of my arm. Mana found me on the snowy ground that night, beaten and bruised and left out on the streets to die. He gave me a home and the life that I had always wanted. Then a couple weeks before Christmas day a few years later, Mana and I were walking across the street and a carriage came speeding towards us. The driver was obviously drunk, and Mana pushed me out of the way to safety, but he ended getting hit square on, and died that night. I was devastated. The one person who had loved and cared for me was dead and gone. Ever since then, that was the memory I’ve had of Christmas. The memory of Mana and the life I had with him. The only family I had, taken away from me.” Kanda’s face showed no emotion, but Allen saw something in his eyes, he just couldn’t tell what it was. He decided to carry on talking since he couldn’t figure out what Kanda was thinking. “And I guess that’s why I am faking so much this year. I want a different memory of Christmas. A good memory of love and family and friends and not of heartache and death.” Allen finished his story and looked up to Kanda. For some reason, he wanted a hug the samurai look –a-like.

            _What the hell? Why would I want a hug from the BaKanda?_ Deep down though, he knew why. Allen hadn’t noticed it before now, but he had … feelings… for the exorcist. And they were not new either. Guess telling someone your feelings and memories that you never have shared before will make feelings (however amorous they may be) pop-up and reveal themselves. There was something about him that drew Allen to him. Sure Kanda was a jerk, but he told you things straight. He wouldn’t beat around the bush, and he would make you see things for what they were. And Allen knew that deep down, Kanda cared for his so-called friends, he just wouldn’t show it. Maybe that’s why he liked Kanda. But that wasn’t important at the time. Two things Allen knew, more than anything else in that moment was that one: Kanda would never let him hug him, no matter what, and two: he wanted more than anything to do just that. Despite the logic, despite his own nerves, despite the day and all the negativity it held for Allen, he still tried. Maybe the emotion in Kanda’s eyes earlier was true caring and sadness for the boy beside him? Maybe he had a chance with the raven-haired exorcist?

            Just as he was about to make a move, Kanda surprised both Allen and himself by leaning forward and gently embracing the smaller boy in his arms. He didn’t know what made him do it. Was it the pain and loneliness in the boy’s eyes? Or was it because deep down, Kanda knew he cared for the boy? Or both? Either way, Kanda didn’t know or care why he did it; he just knew he wanted the sad look on his Moyashi’s face to go away. He held the petite boy close in a gentle yet firm grip in an attempt to prolong the rare and near-awkward moment.

            “K-Kanda? What are you doing?”

            “Tch. Obviously hugging you? What else would I be doing Moyashi?”

            “My name is Allen damnit! But why are you hugging me?”

            “Don’t ask dumb questions Moyashi. You obviously needed one.”

            “Yeah, whatever…” Allen just laid his head on Kanda’s strong, toned chest and listened to the rhythm of his breathing. Was this the start of something good to come? Would he have new memories to replace the bad ones with? Allen thought so.

            “Hey Moyashi, look up.” Kanda whispered in Allen’s ear.

            “Huh? What’s there to look at?” Kanda pointed up above their heads, to a little plant with berries on it that was hanging from the ceiling. “Oh. Mistletoe. Umm…”  Allen was about to make up an excuse as to why he couldn’t kiss Kanda, when the subject of his thoughts gently cupped his chin and forced him to look at his face. Silver eyes looked into midnight blues ones and suddenly, the words were lost from Allen’s mind. Slowly Kanda bent his head towards Allen, giving him enough time to pull away if he wanted to. Allen obviously didn’t want to do that, because in the next second Allen had crashed their lips together. Slightly chapped lips moved against soft lips in perfect harmony.  Allen gasped a little as Kanda’s tongue pushed against his closed lips, and it gave Kanda entrance to his mouth. Kanda’s tongue explored every part of Allen’s mouth, before he fought with Allen’s tongue for dominance. After what felt like hours, but was only a few minutes, they broke apart for much needed air. Their lips were almost touching when Kanda said “Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday Allen.” Allen could feel the words Kanda had said on his mouth, and he crashed their lips together in a passionate kiss that he poured all his love into. They finally broke apart, and Allen looked up to Kanda with loving eyes.

            “Thank you Kanda. I finally have better memories of Christmas.”  Kanda gave a small smile to this, and hugged his Moyashi. ”Wanna few more?” asked Kanda cockily. They scrambled away from the table, leaving Allen’s pile of food on the table, and nearly ran off to Kanda’s room together, hand in hand.

And a certain pink-haired cook had seen all that had transpired in the past 20 minutes, and presently began fan-girling (Well more like fan-guying) about it. He would certainly have to update Lenalee on this new development. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please review and lemme know what you think!


End file.
